Nathalie's Notes

More Reporter Mama Observations

It felt so good to write here yesterday, I thought I’d squeeze in another post, in lieu of a shower though so maybe that’s not such good news for the people who interact with me in person.

But, for those of you who have written asking if I finally succumbed to the temptation of sticking my head in the oven during my long cyber-silence, this ought to be a good sign.

And, by the way, that whole oven thing? Mostly a joke because I use inappropriate humor as a coping tool, hey, it beats drugs, right? See, I can’t help myself .

Also, mine’s an electric oven, so the joke would ultimately  be on me.

Yesterday I was amazed at the way technology plays such a critical role in how I do my job in ways that I never dreamed of last time I had this gig.

A decade ago, I had a cell phone but it was at the coast and rarely charged – so between those two factors – totally pointless.

Yesterday I was on a field trip with a group of fifth-graders touring the local landfill. I was on the school bus when my editor texted me that we needed a story in the paper, due later that afternoon.

The story was about a young man named Cody Myers who was murdered a year ago by two sick-twist psychopath white supremacists monsters.

Actually, the story was about the foundation that’s been formed since his death by his family in order to continue his vision of providing children who couldn’t afford them musical instruments, and lessons.

I followed the Myers’ story very closely last year, it was when I was still a stay at home mom writing my monthly column. It struck a chord deep within me that these worries of mine with little ones are a blessing compared to those I will face when they are old enough to, like, leave my field of vision.

One night, on deadline this column came to me, truly channeled from beyond myself.

A little gratitude goes a long way.

(click title to read, if you’d like).

Anyway, in that column I mentioned Cody’s mom as she was in my heart so much as I followed the story. I’ve often thought of her and Cody’s story as a way of bringing myself back to a place of grace despite the madness around me.

For the story on a tight deadline, it was tempting to just stick to the basic facts of the benefit concert: October 21, noon to midnight, Trails End in Oregon City … but it means so much more in context doesn’t it?

So I used our archives and Facebook posts to put as much of it together as I could while praying for the chance to talk with the right person for the story.

An hour before the story was due, I got the opportunity to talk with Cody’s mom who was gracious with her time and in sharing such a painful story, but also she said it is good to have her son remembered.

I know I am only one of many who never even met him, and yet will never forget him, or his story.

Here's a link to the story and more information on the Cody Myers Music Outreach Foundation.

Currently

It’s been so long since I’ve posted here I had to think to remember my password. Sigh.

Really? July 3 is my last post?! I think it’s safe to say four months is the longest I’ve gone without blogging—a word I still loathe—since I was introduced to this awesomeness by my lovely friend Rosie seven years ago.

All that is to say … I miss it. And I’m not giving up on my promise that I’ll be back to more regular blogging one of these days soon.

Starting today.

So, I know this would be freaky and wrong in a lot of important ways but it’s crossed my mind many times in the last four months that it would be so cool if I could just download my thoughts into my computer and upload the posts I compose while falling asleep and driving to work and yes even during some of the boring parts of my otherwise interesting meetings.

But, that would come with a host of problems … like the obvious fact that many of my thoughts aren’t for public consumption. I know, those are kind of the best ones … but I insist on saving those for after I’ve had a few cocktails.

So how about a super quick update and the commitment to be back soon with more?

drinking less of the aforementioned cocktails, less coffee and lots of water – what do you know? There’s been so action on the bloody scale.

appreciating the good news that I won a long-fought battle with my mortgage company yesterday. For the first time since this spring I know where I’ll live at Christmastime (and beyond). so relieved!

watching season openers for my favorite shows Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice and The Office.

laughing at myself, a lot. Humor makes everything better.

eating meat again … thinking about quitting.

willing this lovely autumn weather to last longer than summer did in Oregon.

waiting anxiously my parents to move to the same side of the country as me. so awesome!

prepping to wrap up the final details of my journaling class with Big Picture Classes. so excited!

opening my eyes and heart to new possibilities and perspectives.

sleeping in a very crowded bed with two little boys who refuse to stay in their room all night. trying to remember this is a short, short season and love the snuggling time. but also: exhausted.

remembering how it feels to be in the swing of being a reporter.

brainstorming ideas for Sam’s fifth (FIFTH?!) birthday party this weekend

wearing fun outfits more often. Like real, coordinated outfits instead of just what fits … encouraged!

considering ways to work in personal writing time. Now that I’m doing it all day, it’s less likely to happen at home. Partly because that’s where everything else is waiting. Did you know it’s true that “the dishes will wait?”

making the best of things … it’s a good strategy.

feeling better, finally!

getting nervous about the new changes coming at work.

loving planning Sam’s party and getting ready to decorate for Halloween.

having visions of catching up on Project Life … yeah, about four months worth – good guess!

listening to the sound of my boys starting to wake up.

crying less often.

acknowledging that attitude is truly everything.

flipping off the lady who flipped me off for no reason … and then realizing I should probably stop doing stuff like that. Then, she did it again so I threw up double birds and it felt kind of good. No idea what her problem was. Didn’t make it mine.

enjoying the realization that things might feel more settled in the near future.

thankful for all of it.

Thank you to Ali Edwards and Elsie Blaha who inspired this list of reflections in my life right now.

Be back soon. Really.

Reporter Mama, observations

It’s unreal to realize I am in my fourth week at my new job already. Let me preface this by saying I love my job. But … I may have underestimated the impact of this transition on myself and the boys.

It all happened in such a whirlwind (have I even told you the story yet?!) so I didn’t  have much time to acclimate mentally, or emotionally to what I’m calling my New Life. Because it feels exactly like that. Sam and I, at times, would like our old life back. The one where there seemed to be more time, yet still never enough. The one where we didn’t have to be somewhere at a certain time every day. Dressed.

During our separation, I knew I was going to have to go back to work sooner than later. I just didn’t know how soon it would happen!

The picture above is after my interview day, which ended up being one of the longest times I was away from the boys and as you can see … we did alright.

I really miss writing this blog so I know I’ll be working on a way to work that in to my days. I just don’t quite know how that’ll look. Shorter, more frequent posts perhaps?

I’m writing tonight to ask that you don’t let my longish lag in posting be cause to unsubscribe me. I’m just checking in to let you know I haven’t stuck my head in the oven or anything, far from it! I’m just adjusting to this whole business of being a reporter mama.

(FYI: to those of you who care about this kind of thing, I loved the Reporter Mama idea as soon as I had it, then quickly realized it was probably because I liked Christina Katz’ Writer Mama … so I got her blessing to adapt it to my life now. ‘Cause she’s cool like that.)

 

 

And, some days are tougher than others. This is from the Friday of my first week. I’d been meaning to have a meltdown since Tuesday but just couldn’t fit it in.

More observations to follow, as well as one of my new favorite funny stories from the newsroom.

Best,

 

Clips – okay, these really are mostly for my parents who adore me enough to read scan the less juicy stuff I write, and also as a working list of clips for my own reference …

Urban a legend of our own

If you fund it, they will come

Times a changing for transit system

Commissioners Spurn Pay Raise

Game Changer

I have an interview today. For a job. One that doesn’t include wiping noses, bums or counters. Though, I’ll still be doing those things as well … just not as much. 

I am excited and nervous which creates sort of a barfy feeling.

Sam said to me yesterday:

“Why are you nervous? You’re just going to go and see what it’s all about and try to have fun, then you won’t be nervous.” He looked at me like duh and added: “You taught me that, Mama!”

Which made me feel amazed at my fortune to have such an awesome little dude as my son. And also like I’m doing alright raising him. And that it’ll be okay if I’m not available to him 24-7 like I have been for the last 5 years. Five years. Which is not to say it’s not going to be an … adjustment.

(Just a heads up … when you start affirming that you are in the process of positive change on a daily basis, be prepared for things to … you know … change.)

On June 4th, I posted “Daycare found, resume and cover letter written, over-analyzed and sent ... now to find shoes in my closet that don't say ‘five-year SAHM.’” on my Facebook page—but you know that ‘cause we’re friends, right?!

Update: I guess I found the right shoes because … I got the job! I’m a reporter again … the kind with a desk in a newsroom.

My only regret is not picking a pair of more comfortable lucky shoes because I don’t know how often my tennis-shoe and flip-flop accustomed feet are going to be able to handle these!

p.s. for anyone who randomly found this by Google and doesn’t know me … I am kidding about the shoes. Not about the uncomfortable part, but about them being magic. I got the job because, you know … it’s what I’ve worked toward for approximately … forever.

So it’s not millions, but still …

I’m going to be rich! able to live the stay-at-home writer mama dream for a little longer with your help! I’m not asking for donations or charity (but if you’re wondering what to do with all that money buried in your backyard we should talk!)

I am asking you dear friends and readers to be understanding about my shift into adding some advertising onto this blog and sharing things I think are cool in hopes that if you do like them and want to buy them, you click through this site. That’s it.

If all you do is subscribe to show my growing readership and help me spread the word on posts you enjoy … I’d be thankful.

Don’t worry, this blog won’t be all blingy and flashy. Partly because I don’t like being overwhelmed either and also because … I can’t figure out how to to fancy stuff like that.

Thank you to all of you who shopped Amazon this month using my link. Anything you buy on Amazon will give me credit so you don’t have to stick to what’s in my little store. It’s one of those every little bit adds up things. So, for all of you who did use it I earned $15 this month. I know it’s not a lot but just that will pay for my hosting my blog - Voila!

I’ll introduce new affiliate stuff as it comes up and am trying not to be self-conscious about it because my goal is clear: to be able to keep writing this blog, finish my book and be home with my babies just a little bit longer. Actually, that’s not honest. What I am praying for is that if I keep working at it, my dream of being a journaling teacher and published, prolific writer will be realized.

xo,

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Of Milkshakes and Marriage

Long-term readers of this blog know I’ve been working on getting healthier eating habits, stronger and—out of favor as it is to say it—thinner.

I’m nearly half-way to my goal and as I often used to do when I see the possibility of actually achieving a goal, I sabotage myself.

Just as I was starting to feel better and fit into my smaller clothes, I went on a little binge. (I wonder if I will always have a variety of sizes of clothes in my closet making it look like I have so much to wear but really … no. Just the same pants I wore yesterday.) When my friend brought over a chocolate milkshake I put it in the freezer for later. By which I mean I hid it in the back of the freezer behind the frozen salmon. And then I forgot about it. By which I mean plotted my binge, waiting until every one else was dead asleep before coming downstairs to dig it out of the deep freeze and dig in.

I told myself I deserved it. A little treat for myself. Which really, is so considerate, right? I mean why not give myself something that will make me feel ill for a couple days – milk does me no favors … but this was a chocolate milkshake. in my house.

I enjoyed it to the last drop. By which I mean I inhaled it before I thought better of it berating myself the entire time. I know, total bliss right?

And then—why am I telling you this—I wrapped the empty cup in a plastic bag and threw it in the garbage hid it in the washing machine. Because that’s normal. And went to bed.

I woke up feeling, not surprisingly, sick and a little bit stupid. But not as stupid as I felt when I saw the garbage bag—yeah the same one I’d so carefully tucked among the towels loaded in the washing machine—sitting open in the sink.

Some of you know we haven’t been living in wedded bliss over here so my first thought wasn’t “Busted! How funny!”

It was more like a sinking feeling in my stomach followed by mortification quickly overtaken by rage: “What a jerk! Leaving the bag in the sink to shame me like this.” Because I am super good at jumping to negative conclusions. Awesome at it.

And because 6:30 in the morning is a good time as any to pick a fight I called my husband to inquire about this random garbage bag in the sink.

Husband:  It was weird. I don’t know, the kids must have stuck it in the washing machine.

Me: I think the real question is what you were doing digging around the washing machine at 5 a.m.

Husband: Really? That’s the question?

Me: Well, also why you put the bag in the sink and not the garbage.

Husband: Because there was a metal spoon in it! And so you’d know one of the boys put garbage in the washer.

Me: I will totally have a talk with them.

 

Yeah, we’re healthy like that.

Feel better about yourself?

You're welcome.

 

 

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{Project Life: week 20}

It’s crazy to think the half-year mark is creepin’. I was delighted to see that people are still going strong on their Project Life projects, and even those who aren’t are still interested and supportive! I love it when I stop posting about something and get emails encouraging me to bring it back. Thank you.

Friends, here is week 20 of 2012:

As always, apologies for the poor quality photos. I still haven’t figured out how to get these shots looking better.

You can click on the images to enlarge them for a closer peek.

{Project Life: week 20}

Week 20 , left side

Week 20, right side

Week 20: notes

Monday: Sam saying grace at dinner and I included the words in the journaling card because it seems like one of those things I’ll never forget but … just in case I’ve got it down.

Tuesday: Sam being his goofy, creative self playing the part of Super Grover 2.0 which includes a (random) costume, designed by him. It also includes stuffing his boots full of the “tools” he needs so I got a close up of that for one of the smaller pockets. Wednesday: we ate at Jem 100 in Newberg for the first time (how have we missed this awesome place all these years?!?). Inside the card I added journaling about our experience there and how fun it is to be getting “good” at using coupons. Thursday: pic is the kids including bff’s Ella and Addie in the backseat and some journaling on missing our old neighborhood. Friday: Sam got his sticker from the fire department because the week before they had to leave early and respond to the fire at Woodburn High School. I included a photo from the news because I thought that was an interesting, unusual way for Firefighter Day to end!

Saturday: This one was hard to write because I wasn’t super proud of it. It was Armed Forces Day and I wrote about how easy it is to be supportive of what other families sacrifice. But when I think about it being my sons … not so much. I literally almost barfed on this kind man’s shoes when he pointed out the someday my boys would be in uniform.

I also included the little card that came with our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University kit to document our journey toward that end. (It is awesome! And hard!)

Finally, I wrapped up the week using my favorite Cathy Zielske journaling card:

To learn more about the awesomeness that is Project Life created by the brilliant Becky Higgins click here. To see more of my Project Life posts click here. 

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Christmas (Box)ers

We’ve been reading The Polar Express, You Can Do It, Sam, and A Very Mater Christmas* every night at bedtime this week. Also, Sam is going crazy decking the halls. Here he’s decorated my room with random ornaments.

Which begs the obvious question: WHY?

I’d love to say this is some kind of “fun mom” boredom buster activity but alas … that’s totally not true.

The other day, the Cinco de Mayo, to be precise, Matt was out of clean underwear and didn’t have time to wait for the dryer to finish. So … I dug the last pair of clean boxers in the house out of the Christmas bins. Which is to say I lugged four heavy boxes out from the corner of my closet and rummaged through them until I found Matt’s least favorite, yet clean, article of clothing and tossed them to him. Feliz Navidad!

He didn’t laugh as hard as I did … or at all. But karma got me back as I am still, ten days later, trying to put Christmas back in the box it came from. (Which reminds me of my friend Marcus’ awesome post called The Christmas Thud).

The kids have had a blast with this little seasonal detour making merry with the New Year’s Eve noisemakers and sticking clovers anywhere they can. Finally, I’m caught up on laundry and the darling boxers are tucked away for their December debut. The boys, I’m betting can be distracted by sand, the ice cream truck (that aggressively circles our house at naptime) and sprinklers.

I thought this post nicely shows how life with little ones can make simple things like getting something out of storage turn into a ten-day collect the ornaments from all around the house extravaganza.

Having our Christmas books out did remind me of something I wanted to do this summer to be ready for December 1st. I’ll post on that soon – subscribe if you want so you don’t have to keep checking back to see when I’ve posted. Or is that just you, Mom? xo

Note: And yes, that is the aforementioned boxers lying on the floor right next to the laundry hamper. Which is totally not why our marriage has been a little rocky but … really, dudes … come.on.

Also … no, Matt doesn’t read my blog and yes he’d be a little annoyed that I wrote that but I’d totally win that argument because, hello?! I openly admit my little … quirks … like running out of clean clothes for instance.

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{Project Life: week 17}

 

And then nine weeks happened. I think I should rename this Project Life Goes On because I have managed to keep taking pictures and notes on the ordinary and extraordinary highs, lows and mediocre meanderings of our days.

And because, no matter what, life does go on and there is always something to be thankful for. Project Life (goes on) is one of the things I am so very grateful for, so here is week 17 and I will post weeks 9-16 later.

Title card: I was inspired by Maria to dress this card up – it’s one of my least favorites in the kit but when I saw her cute, simple addition I changed my mind and used it for the first time this year. I don’t love how the “week #17” turned out … but whatever.

(You can click on each picture to enlarge it and take a closer peek).

{Week 17: left side}

{Week 17: right side}

{Week 18 in progress}

Notes: I use a lot of index cards around here ala Anne Lamott. I’ve started recycling the backs of them in place of Post-its and write my ideas for journaling or pics I took, or want to take … my current Project Life hack is to tuck the days of the week stickers in the next week’s pocket so it’s right there as I’m popping pictures in the pockets. Not having those stickers immediately accessible was a small thing creating a big block in progress. Your block is probably different than mine but can likely be fixed with a tweak in your thinking, process or expectations.

This week I was inspired by Maria at Crazy Lovely Madhouse and by Christine Newman at My Scrapbook Art – Home is where the art is …

I love what Maria said about the Project Life honeymoon seemingly being over. It’s not that I lost my enthusiasm personally but I hit a rhythm and stopped seeking out the inspiration and ideas of others in the PL community. Their posts inspired me to share again and that makes me happy!

To see all my other Project Life posts click here and here.

My {secret} birth story

 

With Mother’s Day around the corner it seemed like as good a time as any to share my birth story. (Psst … Mother’s Day is next Sunday – don’t miss this chance to celebrate someone who matters to you, or your children … to my Dude friends … Mother’s Day means a lot to your moms and wives … for. real.)

This particular story about my beginning is one I’ve been wanting to write for a long time. (Here’s the link again.)Reading that will give the background for the posts to follow.

My column is only 600 words long. Since I’ve been writing that story since I was 14 years old, there was a lot of my story I had to leave out. The rest I’m writing here in a series of posts to cover that part of my journey …  as a rough draft of sorts and I am thankful for all your comments, input and questions. Truly and totally grateful.

Q: So do your parents know about this project?
A: Not yet. They will as soon as they land overseas. And get email access. Surprise! And p.s. I asked them last time I saw them if it would be okay with them for me to start writing about this stuff. The condensed version of their answer: It’s your story. xo 

FAQ #1: Do you know your real mom?

FAQ #2: So do you know what you are?

FAQ #3: But they lied to you?!

FAQ#4: Do you ever want to find your real* mom? Note: If the questions are asked in this order then this question might say “biological” mom since we’ve already clarified who my “real” mom is!

Did I miss any? Let me know by commenting here or shooting me an email. You can click on the letter image on the upper left corner of your screen. Cute, right? I hope you like it because after downloading this adorable freebie from the awesome Cathe Holden it took me 75 minutes to figure out how to make it work. But now it does, so you know, email me!

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